Remote Painter // 2015

The ERROR CELL: G2: Native-Cog-Dissidents
RHA Annual // RHA Gallagher Gallery // Dublin



Studio & Installation



The ERROR Cell #1: G2: Cog-Native-Dissidents


Greetings from G2 H.Q.,

We know all about you, but you probably haven’t heard of us, we’re the original G-Men. According to our friends at the CIA-wiki-oogle, we are, ‘one of the most secretive intelligence agencies in Europe, and the Irish government and Defence Forces rarely allude to its very existence’. Not bad for a Secret Service that can trace its origins back to the The G Division of the Dublin Metropolitan Police, somewhere between the years 1836-1859.

One of Sneem’s finest, William Melville (Codename M), was instrumental in founding the Special Irish Branch of London’s Metropolitan Police, in 1883, the world’s first special branch. He followed this up with the famous false flag incident, where he colluded and framed the Walsall Anarchists on terrorism charges. This formed the factional narrative structure of Joseph Conrad’s novel “The Secret Agent’.

The Irish Special Branch was the template that led to the formation of the World’s various alphabet soups. MI5/MI6/O.S.S/C.I.A./N.S.A.,etc.

We, The Directorate of Intelligence (G2), in our present alphabetical configuration were founded in the mid-1920s following the Anglo-Irish Treaty.

G2 as an Organisation are always looking for new techniques of innovation. We keep a close eye on our international competitors for the latest trend and developments. We were intrigued by MI5’s recent public outing in 2015, by allowing cameras to film inside Thames House for the first time. This was a collaboration with Blue Peter, who ran Project Petra, a competition to appoint a trio of Children’s BBC Intelligence Officers (CBBCIO). The winners ranging in ages from 10-13 were chosen from 5,000 entrants and trained at CBBC Spy School.

G2 operates in a different cultural climate than those of our founding years. The village is now a Global ill-age. To maintain our standards of excellence, we have written a new policy code of operations, codenamed; ‘Disclosure of Factional Dis-info’.

It is with great pleasure and indiscretion that we present to you the following exhibition that will showcase some of our recent exploits and activities.


Remote Painter: A Secret Art Collection for a Secret Agency in Ireland

As an organisation who maintains a high standard of intelligence, we are constantly retraining our staff in new techniques. In 2004 a copy of Jon Ronson’s ‘The Men Who Stare at Goats’ was suggested as reading material for G2’s Internal Book Club. This intrigued one of our operatives who specialised in Cultural Currents. He was also an accomplished Saturday Sculptor / Sunday Painter. He requested to go to Fort Meade in the U.S. to receive Military Remote Viewer Training. Upon his return to H.Q. in Kildare, he set up the G2: Remote Viewing Unit (G2.R.V.U.). He was the founding member, codenamed: Remote Painter.

The G2.R.V.U. has been instrumental in defending and protecting the Irish State against various threats, both internal and external. A lot of the work is very dark in nature; espionage, counter espionage and blackmail can become burdensome on the psyche. As a result, Remote Viewers are often known to employ their skills on projects of a personal nature.

Remote Painter began to develop experimental R.V. techniques as a coping mechanism, which he employed into his hobby of painting and sculpture, he called it Remote Painting. He found that he was able to tune directly into another artist’s frequency and make their work. It didn’t matter if the artist was living or dead or yet to be born.

Remote Painter began to study the metaphysical nature of his practice. His contemplations led him to believe that the works he was making existed in a ‘Schrödinger-verse’, in that; they existed as originals and forgeries at the same time. Further probing into the quantum mechanics of Remote Painting uncovered the paradox that no observation could collapse their dual reality, they would forever remain both genuine and fake. This was observed when artists were shown work that Remote Painter made using their frequency. Every artist claimed it was their own work, but none could remember when they made it. He referred to this condition as ‘The Berkley’s Bollox’ effect.

Remote Painter’s technique involved scanning through art books and periodicals for random artists frequencies. He would amplify specific artist he found interesting. Once he had decided on an artist, he then tuned to geographic coordinates (longitude / latitude) which determined the location of the subject matter. The combination of artist and coordinates were then combined to produce paintings, sculptures, videos, performances, drawings.

He devised a simple mathematical formula for his Remote Painting:

(Artist) x (Coordinates) = Remote Artwork

Over the years, Remote Painter has experimented with different hybrid combinations of artists. Some of these hybrids were organic and logical and produced beautiful works. (Rembrandt + Courbet) x (Moon), was particularly insightful. Others were horrific car crashes of creation that tested the boundaries of taste e.g.

(Paul Gauguin + Mary Kelly) x (Hy-Brasil)

(Frida Kahlo + Hermann Nitsch) x (Disneyland)

(Mary Cassatt + Christoph Schlingensief) x (The Bates Motel)

(Chris Burden + Jean-Honoré Fragonard) x (The Battle of Widow McCormack’s Cabbage Patch)

Through this experimental process, G2 has amassed a vast secret art collection. Some of the works hang on the walls of HQ. It is a very difficult collection to hang due to security concerns. Something as benign and abstract as a Rothko hanging in a canteen can take on a very different look and meaning if one knows the input coordinates used to paint it. As a result; approx. 97% of the collection is classified as ‘eyes only’ and housed in deep underground bunkers due to risk assessment under the Official Secrets of the State Act.

Remote Painter retired from active duty in 2011, and is no longer officially an active member of the G2.R.V.U.
Earlier this year, G2 approached him with a proposal to exhibit some of his genuine forgeries at the Royal Hibernian Academy. Remote Painter was immediately on board with the idea, but had larger aspirations and ambitions for the project. He wanted to make it more accessible and dynamic to the public and embrace the performative / studio element of his art practice. Remote Painter decided to set up a working studio under the stairs of the basement at the R.H.A., where he will do some live Remote Painting in the space. It is envisaged that the collection will grow over the course of the exhibition.

A documentation process of the experience will culminate in the publication of the book;
Remote Painter: A Secret Art Collection for a Secret Agency in Ireland.

Remote painter is a retired civil servant. He enjoys his free time. He hopes to turn up every day.

Coordinates of art works will not be disclosed due to Disclosure of Factional Dis-info protocols.


Full Failure Report


Irish-Basque-North American Indian Genetic Catherine Wheel // Mick Mulcahey, b.1952 // Acrylic on Canvas // 50x40cm // 2015

Artist: Micheal Mulcahey
Title: The Exorcism of Bad Painting: Full Report.
Working Title: Irish-Basque-Native North American Genetic Catherine Wheel
Medium: Acrylic and emulsion on Plywood.
Dimensions: 120x122cm (x Hyper Space)
Year: 2015

Michael Mulcahey’s has a very strong Frequency. The tune in was achieved instantly.

Remote Painter (RP) could visualise a wheel, it looked like a wagon wheel. The wheel was turning, it was flanked by a group of North American Indians, from the various tribes of the east cost of the US. RP initially thought that they were torturing a person on the wheel. This was due to RP’s preconceived prejudice that it was a Catherine Wheel used as an implement for torture.

This image was clarified when I saw another wheel. This wheel was surrounded by Fomorians, the demi gods of ancient Ireland. They were sailing the seas on a large boat, inspecting the night sky and referencing the Catherine Wheel for navigation.

These two scenes then suffered a frequency rupture which scoured a new image between the 2 Catherine Wheels. This new image slowly revealed itself, first as 2 snakes slithering along the ground away from the Basque landmass, towards the 2 Catherine Wheels. When the snakes got to the wheels they shifted dimension and began to weave their way upright around a central wooden staff placed between the wheels.

The snakes then began to radiate and glow a translucent energy field. Genetic makers began to modulate and pulse along the strands of the double helix.

The wheels interlined either side of the DNA and began to engage it and turn like cogs in a gear. The DNA strand picked up speed moving in a straight line, propelled by the Catherine Wheel cogs. It became a blur as it approached the speed of light.

At this point a new frequency became detectable on the spectrum. It appeared, at first, to be another harmonious layer of frequency from the paintings narrative. The new frequency began to modulate in an erratic fashion and started to generate disturbances at the micro-level of the paintings structure. The new wavelength had a metallic feel and radiated a golden glow. Tongues of fire appeared all over the image at the macro-level and began to burn the vision to oblivion.

I began to lose control of the frequencies wavelength. It began to fluctuate uncontrollably on the 5th dimensional plane. It was at this point that I decided to pull an emergency manoeuvre and abort the transmission.

Post painting analysis indicates that the interference anomalies were generated by an outside party. The mass of the frequency was infinitesimal (0.056 HzM) but its power output was of a colossal magnitude (1256 HzK). The source of origin of the rupture could not be discerned from a replay of the modulations. Various art historians were consulted to find the origin of the corruption. They were baffled by the fractal nature of the event. It had all the hall marks of the self-similarity principal but at different ends of the same spectrum. Their initial investigations suggested that a full feedback analysis be conducted; indications suggested that the painting may have fallen into a self-referential loop. When this came up blank, the painting was sent to the lab for a full spectrum paint analysis. It was hoped that this would shed some light on the core structure of the paintings materiality.

The results of the full spectrum microscopic paint analysis were calibrated and fed into our GADsystem*. After 2 months of algorithmic number crunching a faint trace of the anomalous frequency was discovered residing inside the M. Mulcahey Transmission Frequency Channel. It appeared that there were 2 Channels, one dominant and the other hidden inside it. Both wavelengths were mirroring each other’s modulations on the spectrum.

The second frequency was found to originate from the presence of Paki Smith on the pictures plane. His frequency was bleeding into the Remote Transmission like a hijacking viral infection. M. Mulcahey was not happy and began to get creative in a characteristic fashion. All hell broke loose, P. Smith began to summon the spirit of Dante and began to set fire to the inner structure of the painting with a Phoenix shaped blowtorch. M. Mulchaey summoned the sea to rise up and drown the flames. The crescent wave of the flood was being ridden by Lug. It was at this point that Remote Painter jacked himself out of the transmission for fear of a wrist or eye injury, as it was randomizing at dangerously high levels.

*Genentic Artists Database System; A global database which was founded in 1931 by Interpol. Its objective was to establish a complete database of styles, techniques, content, macro-economic analysis and the genetic structure of every artist, said to have sat at the high table of art. The GADS half-life is moving at such a pace that we are now in the process of documenting every artist who sat by themselves and ate a sandwich.